Lessons in Singlehood

When you are approaching your 26th birthday (and now having passed it) without ever having been on a date, you really feel like the odd one out in this fast-paced dating society. You begin to wonder if this is maybe the way it will always be, watching from the outside, destined to be single? Then you adapt by determining that it must be and that in fact marriage and dating must be a bad thing for you, something that should be kept away. You become careful, protective, and perhaps even overguarding your heart.

Somehow my thoughts formed in this way. Only recently has God brought all this into question. Due to some unforeseen circumstances, God forced me re-evaluate my views on marriage and singleness and thus, sort of face my fears. I began to read articles and books, talk to friends and mentors, anything to help me get a better perspective on how God views these "murky" waters.

I began to see that I had a lot of wrong ideas swimming around in my head. Can I even find the words to describe all the changes? To start with, I have to say that most of these thoughts were not so consciously recognized as they were just present. God helped me to realize that they were there and they needed to be transformed into a more Godly perspective. I had this odd notion that people who were married, were doing it for selfish reasons, that marriage itself was selfish, and that to be single was truly selfless. Ha! How wrong. To be in a committed married state actually requires continual acts of selflessness. You must think of your spouse now when you make decisions. It is no longer about what is best for ME but instead about what is best for US.

My readings also made me realize that God just might actually intend for me to marry! That this might be the best thing for me. Craziness! That most of us are created to walk through this life in pairs and there is nothing wrong with desiring this companionship. It is so surreal to me that I still cannot fully grasp that I could be married someday.

Now I have read some articles and listened to some talks that say that if you really want to be married, you have to pursue it like you would any other ambition. Go to the functions that singles go to, make sure you are putting yourself "out there," but of course in all these intentional interactions, your dependency should still be ultimately on God. Actually, I don't fully agree with this point of view in the sense that I value the diversity of life. I love to be around people of all ages and all lifestyles. I do not want close my life off to only being surrounded by singles whose main objective is scouting out a husband/wife. I am more of a "commit myself fully to God and He will take me to the one I am supposed to be with" kind of person.

So anyway these are some thoughts of mine. I promised Megan I would eventually post them.